Ramblings from my uncontrollable psyche.

Category: Uncategorized

45. Reed & June

You know someone is a unique person when her quotes told secondhand make you want to pee yourself. In the best possible way. You also know she is a unique and memorable person when she is the inspiration for the lead character in a sitcom. The person in question is known as Mammaw. My best friend Maggie’s, grandmother, and also my neighbor. Here is a list of words that describe her: sweet, mouthy, opinionated, (a bit) racist, maternal, caring, curses like a sailor, determined, hilarious. She calls her dog a little shit. She still mispronounces my name. Has called people taking up handicapped spaces in the parking lot handicappers, believes there are “herds” of blind people walking around our town, and tells everyone when she’s ready to leave a dinner party by scooting her chair back and saying, “well, my ass is numb.” To name a few examples.

Anyway, one of my school assignments was to write the pilot episode of a television show. (I know, right? That was an assignment. Please see my spot on the blessings that are my homework assignments in my post, Notes & Dreams. *note: this post contains a link to my radio spots for my fake station only playing Sarah McLachlan songs, with kids reading ASPCA facts. In fact, here it is again, because it’s kind of pretty hilarious. You’re welcome.)

So, my show is Reed & June. The tagline is: A 31-year old greeting card writer lives with his foul-mouthed grandmother in NYC. Shot single camera, 30 Rock-esque with wit in every line, and quirky, small details throughout the scenes.  June is Reed’s grandmother and seems to believe her sole goal in life is to find her grandson a mate, so she’s always bringing up cute girls she saw while she was out, insisting they had good “baby buckets”. And she’s always quick to bring up his failed engagement when his fiancé left him the day of the wedding. June is sure to sneak a condom into Reed’s hand on his way out the door to a date, then continues to make sure he knows she’s got plenty by her bedside…  All the while making racist comments that she’s “entitled” to make. Classic. Right? Right.

You can check out the script on my website: *   Maybe Tina will read it and become my best friend and pass it on to my next best friend, Lorne.  Or not.  Yeah, probably not.

*desktop version only still… haven’t gotten time to make it decent for the iPhones of the world…

Over & Out

P.S. This post is dedicated to Alice & Penelope Richmond, Tina’s daughters who are my role models in life- in living, speaking, and being the nerdiest, funniest, best young girls ever. I so wish I could be their best friends. We would spend our days watching Hitchcock movies and dreaming of our celebrity crushes (even though they’re already married. sigh.)

“She got in the crib, laid next to the baby and said, ‘hello Beautiful Eyes, do you mind if I party with you?” -Tina Fey on Alice

Me & my girls

Currently listening to: Gregory Alan Isakov- Amsterdam


44. “But if you feel you are destined for me…”

You are like nobody because I love you. -Pablo Neruda


Found another note in a poetry book. Wonderful. Especially since it was in a collection of Pablo Neruda’s love poems. I found it at a bookstore and I already own the book, so I’m really not sure why I picked it up and opened it anyway.  Maybe I was supposed to see this glimpse into two stranger’s lives. All I know is that people express their words through any medium they need to and I love that.

Subject change. I was waiting at the pharmacy today and overheard a man’s plans to go to Disney World with his daughter and grandchildren. He was so excited to share the plans with (presumably) a friend who worked there. When he talked about buying his granddaughters long dresses and letting them get their hair and nails done, I swear he had joy coming out of his eyes.  His 7-year old granddaughter had told him that she was so excited to meet the princesses and the man said he responded with, “those princesses should be so excited to meet you.” She said, “why’s that?” “Because you’re my princess.”  WHAT?! Is this real life? How do these little moments happen everyday and not become the subjects of a heart-tugging movie? It was just a wonderful moment to witness and hear. Thanks humanity! (**please see the post script from my post, Ten (more) Wonderful Things.)

One of my talents is the fact that I know Beyonce’s dance to Single Ladies. And man, sometimes I feel really good about myself for being a decent (the jury is still out) dancer and being able to freaking memorize it. (Side note: This may sound like I am really good at dancing and learning choreography, but that’s not the case. My friend, Maggie, taught me all I know, including the moves, which she picked up after watching the music video a handful of times. Genius.) So, I’m dancing along showing off my Beyonce-esque skills feeling great about life in general, but then I see her music video.  And I see her move her perfect and talented body with all her Beyonce glory and remember I’m a white girl with short legs and a short torso who happens to have a little bit of (awkward) rhythm. If she only knew what a kickass babysitter I am, I could babysit little Blue Ivy and become friends with her (by friends, I mean more of a one-sided, unhealthy adoration).

One time, I taught two guys the dance. Both of their names were Chris. They might not be the worst dancers I’ve ever seen. Or maybe they are. But they were great and willing to learn and be as diva-ish as they could. Watch here. (I did not give it my all in this one. I was nervous. Notice the pit stains.)

Whenever anyone says they are going to the bathroom, I will now respond with, “Think of me.” You’re welcome.

Over & Out

P.S. This post is dedicated to shaving your legs in winter after (obviously) not doing so in a while. Talk about freedom. Amiright? I mean, it got bad recently. Oops.

Currently listening to: Lorde- Buzzcut Season

43. Ten Things (Afghan Style)

Guest entry from Afghanistan.

10. FaceTime

The best way to talk to the family back in the homeland and a good way to escape.  At night and the early morning, camp is scattered with people talking into their iPads/iPhones/computers to their loved ones.  Used to have to send letters to communicate with people in the free world. Bandwidth on the weekends is at a premium.  Also, allows people to take screen shots of my homeless looking hair/beard.

9. Heat

Yup… I can feel it on my eyeballs.

8. Coffee

Arguably more crucial to survival here than a rifle and body armor.  I opted for the Starbucks Via and Foldgers instant coffee packs – just add hot water.  Especially critical for months four through six.  Wait… I’ve been on instant coffee for the past six months?!  I’ve delayed entire meetings because I had to make my coffee… deal with it.  Never with cream or sugar.

7. Helicopters

Who doesn’t want to ride in a helicopter.  Also great for covering us when we are in a “not so nice neighborhood.”  Yell “GET TO THE CHOPPA” while hopping on.

6. Poo

Cow, goat, donkey, sheep, camel, bird, dog, cat, human (adult and child) – Stepped in all of it – for Murica.

5. Headphones

Great for listening to music, watching movies, or Face Timing so people don’t listen in on your conversation.  Also great for tying to ignore people when I haven’t had my coffee (its for their own good).


The ultimate status symbol in a combat zone. Shampoo it and comb it for best growth.  Fear the beard!

Fear the beard!

Fear the beard!

3.Life Threatening Moments

“Why is that car getting so close to us?” “What’s behind this door?” “What are these explosives doing here?”  “Did we just walk through a minefield? Yeah, we just walked through a minefield.” “Let me see your hands… HANDS UP!” Thank God for rifle-mounted laser pointers… the international sign for “Don’t mess with me.”

Then laugh about it.


Hot trash.

1. Care Packages

Mail call turns into grown adults acting like little kids opening packages on Christmas morning.  “Oh my care package is here!  What did I get!? What did you get!?” Most are shared with everyone and the baked goods go quickly.  They were one of my few sources of life sustaining coffee.



P.S. This post is dedicated to my friends and family who put up with my craziness and support me doing this.  Love you guys!

Currently listening to: Tor/Sufjan Stevens – The Dress Looks Nice on You/Feel That Way (f. Gift of Gab) 

42. Ten (more) Things

A list of 10 more wonderful, great, beautiful things about life.

10. Nail Polish

It’s fun because you get to change your appearance, but not permanently.  You can always take it off and try another color.  Low commitment level=good.


Examples of my nails’ wilder sides.

9. Having Energy

This is not something I am used to most of the time, so I take full advantage when I have energy (usually).  During a day, if I realize I’m not about to fall asleep, then I feel really good about myself for not being sleepy and am proud that I have energy to do things.  It’s the small victories.

8. Doing Laundry

Now, it’s not the act of laundry that’s great, it’s finishing it.  Laundry is accepted by most as a terrible chore, but really, you don’t have to do a whole lot to get clean clothes, throw them in the washer, go watch tv for 45 minutes, put them in the dryer, watch tv for 45 minutes, then fold. You really aren’t putting a whole lot of work in, BUT at the end of a day when you did laundry, you feel really good about yourself and how much you accomplished.  I love that.

7. Wasting Hours on the Internet

I actually recognize when I’m doing this, how much I love it.  Especially when I really don’t have any other work to be doing, so I’m not ashamed to spend my time on tumblr or stumbleupon or wikipedia. The internet can be fun.

6. The moments you realize how blessed your life is

It’s amazing to think how many people I have in my life who love me.  It’s amazing to think that I am healthy and able-bodied and intelligent.  It’s amazing to think I wake up to get dressed and have shoes to wear.  And not just one pair, dozens to pick from.  I get to eat anything I’d like at any time.  I love experiencing those little moments of realization, and trying to hold them close all the time.

5. Dessert time

Once a meal is done, I think, “what’s for dessert?” or, at least, “what type of sweet thing could I have?”  This doesn’t just apply to after meals, but anytime. Dessert time is the best time.


Ice cream out of the tub.

4. Being so immersed in a good book

It’s so wonderful when you are reading a great book and it’s always on your mind and you can’t wait until you have free time to sit down and read it for hours.  Those are the best books.  The page-turners and complete immersers.

3. Knowing you don’t have to know everything

Thinking I have to know everything and understand every aspect and history of the things I’m doing is a common stressor for me.  I have so much access to information, I feel obligated to learn it all, but that’s not possible. It’s good  to remember that if I try at life and enjoy learning and have a strong curiosity, that’s enough.

2. Complimenting strangers/ being complimented by strangers

This one is so fun.  If you’re ever on the verge of saying a compliment to a stranger or not, do it. No harm can come of it.  I still remember last year while out shopping, a woman working at the store came up to me and completely made my day by telling me how much she loved my outfit.  “It’s so casual.  Yet so put together! And I love your purse.  It’s all gorgeous!”  I was wearing jeans rolled up, Toms, a baseball tee (grey sleeves, white shirt), and greasy hair pulled back.  Strangers are the best.

1. When you get out of bed to go to the bathroom (or get a snack) and when you get back, your bed is still warm

Mmmmm.  This one is so so nice.  That’s all.

P.S. This post is dedicated my new term for backpack.  I will now refer to it as my back pouch.  Hop in lil joey!

Over & Out


let us fall in love again and scatter gold dust all over the world. -rumi

Currently listening to: Father John Misty- Only Son of the Ladies Man

41. Land of Corn

Two months ago, I traveled to the land of corn. I didn’t go for the corn.  And the town I went wasn’t a place of corn.  Surrounded by corn-yes, but defined by corn no.  Decorah, Iowa.  A small, artsy, organic, local, college town.  The town is home to Storypeople.  A wonderful company producing beautiful sculptures and prints of artwork and words by Brian Andreas.  Sweet, snarky Brian Andreas.  I journeyed with the goal of filming my short documentary about the company and Brian as an independent study.  I left with footage galore, a lack of rest, a nasty head cold and new friends! Yay! Cheeziness!

Here’s a sneak peak to some of the (uncooperative) filming.BrianoncameraUncooperative is the word which least defines the trip and the interactions with the storyfolk.  They were beyond accommodating, welcoming, friendly, and warm.  Everyone was willing to share stories and meals, give encouragement and hugs, and they all accepted our sarcasm (by responding with their own sarcasm).  The our I am referring to is myself and my stepmom Jackie.  (pictured above interviewing Brian)  When she came into my life, our shared love for Brian’s Storypeople art was unexpected, but connected us.  When I told her my (far-off) dream of making this whole deal happen, she made me promise that she could tag along to Iowa.  She said she would come even if it meant she couldn’t say a word.  I knew that wouldn’t happen.  Ever.  But I still wanted her to come.  So, once this idea became more of a reality, it was fun to make everything happen and share a road trip with her.  We sang and played 20 questions and the celebrity game (Harvey Kissinger, anyone? *a mash-up of Harvey Fierstein and Henry Kissinger, obviously*) 

Beautiful.  We stayed at the always classy Super 8 and made friends there, too!  Our first morning, at breakfast a nice couple sits down next to us and the man says (with a nice German accent), “I’m Frans. And this is my wife Marina.”  We were taken aback at first wondering who he was talking to, then realized he was just a friendly man.  Who woulda thunk?  We talked with Frans and Marina and found out they were from Germany, visiting places around the country, and were in Decorah for a family reunion with distant relatives, who live in a nearby cornfield, I think. They were the sweetest!  And they made my day!  We saw them again throughout the week, when they looked in the StoryPeople studio and waved at us, while we were filming.  Hi!!!!  The manager of the Super 8 was a pleasant Indian man, who, when one day we asked if they had any more bananas, shot up out of his seat and said, “Oh yes, hold on.”  As we waited, and a good ten minutes passed, and I made a joke about him going to South America to get them, we realized he must have ran out to buy some more.  And sure enough, he walks in with a grocery bag full of bananas.  We were very thankful.  For the bananas and for the fact that we had something to laugh about.

The week we spent in Decorah was one in which I often spoke in accents, laughed a lot, and grew.  I took on the project as, essentially, a one-man band.  Jackie was a wonderful help with setting up, rolling up cords :), and thankfully, doing an amazing job as the interviewer- which I had a few questions prepared, but essentially told her, “eh, you’re really good at talking.  You’ll do fine.”  She did have to learn she couldn’t verbally respond, but had to only nod and not respond with large hand gestures, in case they got in front of the camera.  God love ya, I know all of that was the hardest part for you.  Thank you! Outside of that responsibility, I took on the jobs of lights, audio, camera, and everything else.  I had to have my sh*t together.  Batteries needed to be charged, memory cards needed to be dumped, mics had to be turned on and have correct levels, lights had to not make people like the keeper of the crypt, the shot needed to be in focus, correctly exposed, color balanced etc. etc. etc.  I don’t do too well with being in charge of all the details.  It’s so much pressure! Eh, but I got it good.  I’m blessed that I was able to do all this and make it happen.  With really only one or two stress breakdowns.  And Jackie and Brian were there to give hugs and say encouraging tidbits like “Wow, just wow!” “you really are something” “don’t worry, this will be just as it will be.”  I joke, of course they (and everyone) were actually encouraging, but throughout the week, we liked to throw anti-compliments like those at each other.

I left that trip feeling proud of myself for taking initiative and having enough confidence to travel 10 hours away with equipment and film by myself with only my knowledge.  I will be better at every aspect in my field because of that trip, and for that I’m so thankful.

The documentary will be finished next month and I will be sure to share it will you, friends.  The editing is going well- I have so much great and colorful footage to work with and I’m happy to say that Brian’s son, Gabe, is a talented musician whose songs will be providing the soundtrack. Can’t wait to share!


(from left to right, starting at top: the colorful exterior of the StoryPeople workshop; Jackie posing in laughter and adoration; myself being loopy on the drive home; Ellen Rockne giving her best to the camera; Kaykay nommin on some Mabe’s pizza, (Sorry Brian, Matthew, and Gabe, but we enjoyed it) while we were being rambunctious and loud customers; Brian and I hammin it up, with much love).

P.S. This post is dedicated to the individuals Jackie forced me to take photos of on the drives to and from Iowa, and during our time there.  Her inspirational title for the side project was called: Humans of the Road Trip (a sad (and probably demeaning tribute) to the brilliant Humans of New York).  The people had to be described as weird in order to get a picture taken, but it turned into her yelling at me (too late, I might add), “Ooh! There’s people walking over there! Get a picture! Get a picture!”  So, as much as I applaud her creativity, I now have half a dozen (yes, that few) photos of blurry people, whose story is completely unknown.  So thank you, folks, for letting me take creepy photos of you.

Over & Out

Currently listening to: The Hunts- Make This Leap

40. Notes & Dreams

Inside a poetry book I have, I found:booknoteYour life is the most beautiful poem I’ve ever known.

I love this.  Maybe the sweet mom or son from this note will see that I have this book.  But maybe that’s not good, I mean, maybe this book was really sentimental to the mom and it was such a touching moment when she gave it to her son and he didn’t really care, so he sold it and now a weird girl owns it and mom’s going to be really upset.  OR maybe they had a falling out and don’t talk anymore, so he got rid of the book (ya know because of the memories and the painful times) and now a weird girl owns it and maybe that weird girl’s blog can bring them back together! Wow amazing. See where my mind goes? Also is it just me or does the mom’s doodle look like Patti Mayonnaise?

Anyways, I love finding the stories within the stories. (Self promo here)  I want to know these people’s stories, because as of right now, this note on the back of the front cover is almost more interesting to me than the words in the book.  (But maybe not. Love ya Stanley Kunitz!)  What a beautiful and wonderful find.

Abrupt subject change.  So, in my writing class, I had to write a teleplay treatment and I’m working on the screenplay to be performed at the end of the semester.  Side note: Who the heck gets to have homework like this?  I mean, it’s really not fair.  I’m so lucky!  This summer, I had to make fake radio promos.  Mine was for a station that only played Sarah McLachlan songs with little kids reading ASPCA facts (the station also plays a 10-hour block of  her song Arms in the Angels on repeat).  Is that not one of the most stupid things you’ve ever heard?  Yeah, I know, but I got a grade for that, that will go towards me getting a degree! What?  I think I got 100% on it, too. Listen here, if you really want to… Side note over.

So, obviously, I like to write, so I have been having a lot of fun working on my television show and as I’ve mentioned in past posts, I have crazytown dreams.  The other night, I had a dream that I got to pitch my show idea to NBC producers!  And they loved it.  And thought I was funny.  And I was egging them on, and since there were other companies there, I said I love NBC and always wanted to work for them.  And I threw my arms towards them and sang, “I LIKE YOU!” matching the tune of the three-note NBC theme. And they were clapping and laughing.  And it was a riot.  And I was taking up too much time, so I got cut off, which was okay, because after, one exec came up to me and told me how excited they were to make my show and asked if I had a theme song planned out yet.  And I did, apparently. I looked through my papers, and found sheet music I made?? And I remember thinking “I think that’s the sheet music to the Will and Grace theme song that I printed off once.”  But I still handed it over.  Then the dream ended.  It was great. I woke up knowing I could conquer the world! But not really.  I think I was kinda sad that day. Eh, such is life? Amiright?

Over & Out

P.S. This post is dedicated to people who get armpit sweat marks and aren’t ashamed. Amen.

the rock

Currently listening to: Paul Simon- Graceland

39. 10 Things (again)

10. Stripping off your clothes as soon as you walk in the house.

This is such a good feeling.  Whether you’re stripping down because you’re hot, and replacing your outfit with the least amount of clothing (or none) or it’s time for sweatpants (or crazy leggings),it is wonderful to have the freedom to do so. Especially us ladies, and taking off our bras after a hard day of having boobs.

9. Greasy food after a long stint without it.

I try to eat healthy, for the most part, and sometimes I just need some french fries.  And a burger.  Or a Penn Station sub.  And you know how there’s some people who say suspicious stuff like, “If you go long enough without sweets or fatty foods, you won’t crave them, and if you do eat them, they won’t even taste good anymore.”  Well I think those people should be put in a pre-determined area, maybe a field, where normal people won’t be able to hear their deception.  Because, that first bite of french fry after a week or two of carrots, apples, and grilled veggies, is heaven on earth.

Insert apt 30 Rock quote here:
Jack: Imagine, a dessert for two, consisting of a Tahitian vanilla bean ice cream in a pool cognac, drizzled in the world’s most expensive chocolate, Amadei Porcelana, covered in shaved white, black and clear truffles, topped with edible 25-carat gold leaf. Can you imagine anything better?
Liz: I don’t know, have you ever put a donut in the microwave?


8. Seeing who you’re waiting on pull up while looking out the window. 


 This is one of the happiest and most satisfying events that could happen in a normal day.  I get extra excited and get lots of butterflies when the car I’m waiting for is driven by my boyfriend, who just drove over 8 hours to see me for the weekend! Wow!  (Side note: last time he came home to see me, he came in the door with Chipotle for dinner.  AH! I mean, Cinderella has no idea what a real man is like.)
My dog does this a lot.  Even if there isn’t anyone he’s particularly waiting on (that I know of, at least).  Take a look here:
Cute butt...Where are my friends?
7. Poetry
All poetry. What’s more beautiful?  Not a whole lot.

Medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life.  But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.”  -Dead Poets Society

6. Finishing something you’ve worked hard on.

Applies to many things in life.  Exercising, simple chores, homework, jigsaw puzzles (which I did 2 last weekend…..), or grander things than these examples.

My latest finished “something” is the video I’ve worked on for a few months, alongside classmates and a professor.  So here is the link I promised you in the last post: Make Big Plans

5. Apple Slices & Peanut Butter

My most favoritest snack.

4. When you send your brother in Afghanistan a book, and he sends back this picture:




3. When, for once, you actually know what you’re talking about.


I is smart!!!!!


2. Being in love with your best friend.


I think this one deserves a post of its own someday.  But for now, I’ll say, I recommend it to anyone.  Provided your best friend is the gender you prefer to date.  My Sam is one wonderful guy.  (Woah, side note: I just wrote “… is one onederful guy”.  Why is that not how that word is actually spelled?)  As I’m typing this, I’m listening to Silhouette by Active Child feat. Ellie Goulding and, even though it’s not our song, it is the perfect love song to be evoking wonderful images of our love.  Beautiful.  And making me miss him.  Dang music.


1. Cornrows


The hairstyle.  There are many willing people in my life who let me give them cornrows.  Thank you.


“I get why they’re called cornrows now! My hair’s yellow so it looks like little rows of corn.” -Malory (bottom left).


P.S. This post is dedicated to all the beautiful couples in long-distance relationships.  You go, Glen Coco, you go!  Stay strong!!!


I’m in my bed, you’re in your bed, one of us is in the wrong place.


Over & Out


Currently listening to: Active Child- Hanging On


Also, here’s a link to Linnea’s Poetry.