45. Reed & June

by 4linnea

You know someone is a unique person when her quotes told secondhand make you want to pee yourself. In the best possible way. You also know she is a unique and memorable person when she is the inspiration for the lead character in a sitcom. The person in question is known as Mammaw. My best friend Maggie’s, grandmother, and also my neighbor. Here is a list of words that describe her: sweet, mouthy, opinionated, (a bit) racist, maternal, caring, curses like a sailor, determined, hilarious. She calls her dog a little shit. She still mispronounces my name. Has called people taking up handicapped spaces in the parking lot handicappers, believes there are “herds” of blind people walking around our town, and tells everyone when she’s ready to leave a dinner party by scooting her chair back and saying, “well, my ass is numb.” To name a few examples.

Anyway, one of my school assignments was to write the pilot episode of a television show. (I know, right? That was an assignment. Please see my spot on the blessings that are my homework assignments in my post, Notes & Dreams. *note: this post contains a link to my radio spots for my fake station only playing Sarah McLachlan songs, with kids reading ASPCA facts. In fact, here it is again, because it’s kind of pretty hilarious. You’re welcome.)

So, my show is Reed & June. The tagline is: A 31-year old greeting card writer lives with his foul-mouthed grandmother in NYC. Shot single camera, 30 Rock-esque with wit in every line, and quirky, small details throughout the scenes.  June is Reed’s grandmother and seems to believe her sole goal in life is to find her grandson a mate, so she’s always bringing up cute girls she saw while she was out, insisting they had good “baby buckets”. And she’s always quick to bring up his failed engagement when his fiancé left him the day of the wedding. June is sure to sneak a condom into Reed’s hand on his way out the door to a date, then continues to make sure he knows she’s got plenty by her bedside…  All the while making racist comments that she’s “entitled” to make. Classic. Right? Right.

You can check out the script on my website: linneawilson.com *   Maybe Tina will read it and become my best friend and pass it on to my next best friend, Lorne.  Or not.  Yeah, probably not.

*desktop version only still… haven’t gotten time to make it decent for the iPhones of the world…

Over & Out

P.S. This post is dedicated to Alice & Penelope Richmond, Tina’s daughters who are my role models in life- in living, speaking, and being the nerdiest, funniest, best young girls ever. I so wish I could be their best friends. We would spend our days watching Hitchcock movies and dreaming of our celebrity crushes (even though they’re already married. sigh.)

“She got in the crib, laid next to the baby and said, ‘hello Beautiful Eyes, do you mind if I party with you?” -Tina Fey on Alice

Me & my girls

Currently listening to: Gregory Alan Isakov- Amsterdam